Particular Set of Gaming Skills
Created by AngryMongo
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If you let the princess go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will jump on your head.
A ghost.
I don’t know if any of my followers know this, or even my friends, but I have depression. Sometimes it’s very severe and other times it is bearable, at least. Lately I’ve been feeling more detached from everything and it’s hard to put into words. People kind of hear that you have depression and tell you “Hey, justbe happy”, as if it’s my choice to be this way. Trust me when I say it isn’t.
A lot of people don’t know what depression is really like. It’s hard waking up wishing you hadn’t. It’s hard being surrounded by people who love you, who would do anything to make you happy, and not being able to feel anything but emptiness. It’s hard feeling like a ghost, like nothing you say or do matters to anyone or anything. It’s hard to feel the embrace of a hug but not feel anything at all.
It’s something I struggle with and will continue to struggle with. I don’t know if I can take medication for it because it might negate or intefere with my other medication (which is a lot worse than depression) so I’m oft left feeling cold on the hottest of days, where nothing and nobody might understand what it’s like. There are many people who know this pain, and many more will in the future as it strikes at random, digging it’s claws into your soul and choking it of all strength, of all life.
People tell me things like”You have a lovingfamily and great friends. You’ve the world at your feet. You’re smart and capable. What do you have to be depressed about?”, and I can’t answer them. I saw a Stephen Fry quote that answered it with something like “That’s like telling people they have no reason to have the measles”, and I guess it’s true, for I have all of those things and yet I’m still feeling distant from everything and everyone I care for. My love of art cannot save me, and neither can getting more body mods, something I am usually passionate about.
I look at the sun and curse it while I feel it warming up my skin. As much as I feel this endless despair, circling around me like a poisonous mist, the sun will still rise and life will go on. My feelings have nothing to do with it. I can try to do something productive but I’ll never get anywhere and I’ll never be cured of this sickness. I’ll never be free. That’s just life, and I’ve come to accept it, as much as I don’t like it.
I have nothing more to say, or anything useful to help anyone who suffers from this and knows where I am coming from. I can say that which you already know, that it will pass in time and that there is a brief reprieve from the sorrow. All I can really end this post with is a quote from a song that seems to have the same air as the one I breathe, that also breathes in me.
Now I’m just worn out and I’ll ache like this forever, I think. These shoddy drapes refuse to keep the cold out and this damned body can’t keep the warmth in. I’m watching my hairline recede; I’m drinking fatigue; I’m fighting heredity. I see less of who I love the most, time’s getting away; we’re so slow to say how fast it goes, and I’m just looking for what’s coming, what’s built in the blood.
Pianos Become The Teeth - Good Times
